you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
