Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
