His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
