Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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