I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
