I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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