You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
