Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
