Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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