You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
