I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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