You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
