So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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