Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
