I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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