this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i think my cat just said my name.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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