dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
