Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
tell me about the eggs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
