this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
