I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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