Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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