So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
