let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
