it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
