Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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