You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
