I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
