so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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