there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
