She said her name was "party"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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