i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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