I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
handjob tips. give me some.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
