I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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