There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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