So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
