we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
