we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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