I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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