and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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