how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
