I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
