May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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