Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
