You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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