Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
