if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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