Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
