The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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