I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
