I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
