There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
