I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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