i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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