I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
