haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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