Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
